This is not a Game
by Specificitydarling
Summary: Neela following Ray and Neela's conversation in 13x10 Tell me no secrets. disregarding everything that actually happened after that. Please Read and review. reviews make me happy! finally got chaps 2 and 3 up sorry it took so long!
1. Chapter 1

I can't believe he thinks this is a game. A bloody game. He obviously has no idea what's going on in my head. He has no idea that the only way I'm able to kiss Tony is to picture his face. Walking away from that doorway was harder than going back to medicine. I loved that shirt. I hate myself for running away from everything in my life. Everything he thinks I hate about him – I love.

"Total bloody wanker" I mutter, not sure if I'm talking about him, or myself.

"Who?" I spin aound and see one of Ray's patients behind me.

I put on a polite smile, "Don't worry ma'am. You should be in bed, you need rest."

"I've made a bad decision or two in my life, you know", she smiles mischieviously.

"Haven't we all?" I sigh as I help her to her bed.

"You want my advice?" She doesn't wait for my answer, "Tell him. Before it's too late."

"It already is." I don't ask how she knows.

"He gets angry when you talk about the other people in your lives." It's not a question. _She must have seen our fight._

I protest, "It's more complicated than that."

"You fell in love with your best friend. There are two things you can do: ruin a friendship, or tell him. You akready knows he feels the same."

"Feelings change." _Why am I resisting this?_

"Not this fast" she says bluntly and then tells me I have patients and she's not one of them.

_Maybe she's the wise old lady I've been looking for._


	2. Chapter 2

I sit in the doctor's lounge, nursing a cup of coffee I don't need. My shift ended hours ago. I should be at home, catching up on sleep. But I can't make myself go back to Abby's empty apartment. I won't be able to sleep, and alll there is to do is look through pictures of Micheal and me and watch World Poker on TV. That's not even fun anymore, without someone complaining about how boring it is. I realised, after I moved to Abby's, that I have absolutely no pictures of us together. Me and Ray - we lived together for nearly a year and we don't have any picures of us. Not one.

I watch doctors and nurses rush in and out. I gnore them, until I can't anymore.

"Mayday, what are you still doing here?" It's Trony. I really don't want to talk to him.

"Don't call me Mayday" I say. I can't hide the fact that I'm upset.

"Hey! What's up?" He has that concerned look on his face and I want to slap it off him. He ruined everything. That's not actually true – I did. But it's nice to blame somebody.

"Tony, please, get out." I point to the door. I'm angry, mostly at myself. But he doesn't know that.

"Neela. What are you playing at?" He says, half chuckling. He thinks I'm playing.

"This is not a game!" I raise my voice, "I've got to go."

"Neela! Wait!" he grabs my arm like he has a right to.

I pull away, "I said, I've got to go."

"Where?!"

"To tell someone I love them." I run out the door and leave him standing. It's February and I fon't habe my coat. I don't care.

I have to go tell someone I love them.


	3. Chapter 3

I end up taking a cab. It's less than 30 degrees and hospital scrubs don't actually keep you warm. I get out infront of his building and see his lights aren't off.

I walk up the stairs and ring the doorbell. No one answers. I still have my key, but I don't use it. I don't live there anymore. He's probably out with Katey.

"Neela?" I turn around slowly, hoping he's alone.

"I wanted to talk to you…. And to apologise." I move asidew so he can unlock his door.

"You don't need to apologise. I was the bastard." He emphasizes the word and I realise: he blames himself. For what happened, for my actions.

"Come in." he says. He offers me a drink and tells me to make myself at home. It sounds weird, since it used to be my home. I notice he's tried harder to keep the place neat. His clothes aren't thrown all over the living room and there aren't any dirty dishes.

I stand next to the sofa, stroking the soft fabric I used to share with him. He's by the kitchen counter. He's waiting for me to speak, I can tell.

"I would've cheated on my husband." I say after a long pause. He's surprised enough to look up into my eyes. I continue, "If I had stayed here, I would have betrayed Micheal. I don't know whether he would've been dead. All I wanted was to be a good wife. So I moved out. I ran away."

He's touched by what I'm saying, but he tries to cover it, "And your point?"

I take a deep breath, "The thing is, I did betray Micheal. He told me that if anything happened to him, that he wanted me to be happy. To be with someone I love." I emphasize the l;ast sentence, hoping my point is getting across.

"Neela…why are you telling me this?" he takes a sip of his drink. He's talking in almost a whipser, like he's worried what my response will be.

"Because," I say, "Because I lied to Micheal and to you. And to myself. I wasn't happy woith Tony and I certainly didn't love him. But he made me realise that the person I was happy with, the person I was in love with…was my best friend." I look up and catch his eye. He's walking towards me, cautiously.

I'm determined to finish what I'm saying, "This is not a game, ray. I'm not playing anything. I know you're probably serious about Katey, I understand - "

"I broke up with her tonight." He interrupts.

"Oh.

"Are you finished?" he is so close, I can feel his breath on my face. I nod.

"Good."

Our lips touch and I know this is what I've been waiting for. This is what I want. It's becoming less gentle, more passionate. Our bodies work together as if they'd been doing this forever.

We go to the sofa. I sit on his lap and try to take off his T-shirt. He stops me.

"Wait." He says, between breath.

"What's wrong?" I ask. My mind is racing. Is he having second thoughts?

He must have seen the look on my face.

"Nothing's wrong. But beofre we do anything… I want to take you out on a date."

I grin, "Since when have you been such a gentleman?"

He smiles and pulls me beside him, his arm around my shoulder.

"Since I fell in love with a lady."


End file.
